Trying...

I know I said I was going to be more positive this year...but do you really know how hard that is with all the shit I'm going through? All the hurt? All the pain? All the unknown? I'm trying...but today, it has not been my day. I was informed today that it is going to be a very long time that we are separated...unless I change rapidly. How the hell am I supposed to change and why should I want to?? I was told that I didn't work towards a future with him...why, because I didn't have a job very often? Do you know how hard it is to hold a job with major depressive disorder and anxiety?? Even my psychiatrist said that it would be a HUGE feat for me to have a job. But, apparently, if I want to be with my husband, that's what I have to do. He has no CLUE how this disease works and what it does to someone...